Boundaries

This buzzword is everywhere on social media and wellness influencers and healthcare providers are shouting “set healthy boundaries” to anyone who will listen. However, easier said than done. Right?!?!

Here are a few things to consider when creating a boundary:

Be direct. Don’t be so gentle that the person who you are establishing the boundary with just might not understand what you are attempting.  Not only be direct but be extremely specific.  Clearly state your expectations and the limits you are putting in place.  This can feel uncomfortable, but assuming the other person understands leaves the door wide open for misinterpretation. And don’t be shy about repeating the boundary twice when necessary.

Know there might be pushback. Just because a boundary has been set, this does not mean that the other person will respect it or be receptive. And then there is always the possibility of hurt feelings. Remember, pushback is normal and could potentially signal the necessity of the boundary. 

No need to over-explain. Justifying the boundary is not necessary.  No need to rationalize or apologize for the boundary.  Because this is about self-preservation – setting a limit to protect yourself.  Therefore, justification is not required.  Your boundary is your boundary.  That’s it. 

Reinforce the boundary. When you set a boundary, prepare to reinforce it, and follow through with the stated consequence (if necessary). Words are just words until they are backed by action.  Follow-through is important; otherwise, what was the point.

Remember your “why.” Go back to your ‘why’ you are setting the boundary whenever you need that boost of confidence and/or to ground yourself in your decision to set the boundary in the first place.   

Setting boundaries can be difficult, especially since these boundaries are usually put in place with people we are already in relationship with.  But if they are set in motion, there is a solid chance the relationship will continue if the boundaries are set and respected.