Easy Recall

It's understandable that there can be confusion about feelings. They are attached to a lot of different experiences and circumstances over the course of a lifetime. They also trigger what is known as state-dependent recall: that is, we're likely to recall things that occurred in the same emotional state that we're in at present.  It’s like the brain matching up the current emotional arousal with similar arousal patterns of the past and draws motivation from emotions associated with those arousal levels.  Let’s put this in a little more perspective.

Take anger or resentment at someone we really, really love.  We're able to recall everything they did to offend us in the past 10 years! It's also why we only remember those offenses when we are angry or resentful. When feeling sweet and loving, we're likely to recall only good things. It also means that we tend to repeat the same mistakes when emotion is involved. When feelings are strong, it's sometimes hard to tell if we're reacting to what's happening now or to a perception of what happened in the past.

Negative emotions (particularly anger, fear, and disgust) are more urgently related to survival than positive feelings. What's more, the brain is a better-safe-than-sorry system. It would rather be wrong 999 times thinking your partner in life is a saber-toothed tiger than be wrong once thinking a saber-toothed tiger is your partner in life.

So, what to do? What to do? Keep in mind, negative emotions are useful signals about possible threats Note the word possible.  A threat is not a certainty.  Recognize that strong feelings distort reality; defer judgments until the intensity of feelings diminishes, preferably through self-regulation. Try to engage your reflective brain by asking yourself what you can do to improve the situation. Consider evidence against the perception or judgment causing the strong feelings. Make decisions based on probability and contingency plans to cope with less likely outcomes. And then, trust the natural motivations of vulnerable feelings to heal, improve, and connect.