Friends

The Dalai Lama once said, "You should only be friends with people who see who you are, value, and validate you." So, how do we ‘be’ a friend in order to make a friend.  Here are some thoughts.

1.       Share your story. Create intimacy. Allow another to share their story.  By telling your story and listening to the story of others, you learn about shared experiences, challenges, and what you have in common. This information connects you and gives you a way to relate. Such sharing is so powerful that it becomes a vehicle to help you emotionally touch one another and even help confirm each other's feelings.

2.       Listen and learn. Be respectful and value both yourself and others by recognizing that each is a unique human being. When you give your full attention to another's story and life experience, you gain insight into the other person and yourself. The message you give to the other person is that you appreciate and value what they say, who they are, and their passions.

3.       Be authentic. Find your inner voice and vocation and dare to listen to it. By being yourself and respecting yourself, you will find others like you. Each of us has our unique talents and gifts. By listening to that inner voice, you will find a good friend who likes you for yourself and your place in the world.

4.       Leave a legacy. If you change the course of one person's life for the better, in a sense you change the world. The ripple effect of kindness is transformative. Value-for-value is how legacies are born. When you help someone, you lend value and meaning to your life, and that validation allows you to give value to others.

It takes a lot of effort to be a real friend. It takes commitment, obligation, mutuality, and responsibility. As a result, that level of interaction cannot be shared with everyone. There are levels of friendship, and the wise person understands the differences.