Harming and Healing

Ever been told by someone you love the most-est that you hurt them?  Ugh!  Sometimes our first thought is to let them know that this was not our intent, and so they most certainly are mistaken.  You may begin to explain the circumstances to show them just how wrong they are in this accusation.  Because, yeah, you’re a good person and you just wouldn’t even consider hurting them in any way.

That impulse response is so very natural and so very human.  But it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow the idea that our words, choices, actions, whatever, might actually upset someone.  Because, hey, we’re kind people.  We don’t do that kinda thing. 

This makes it very difficult to tolerate the idea that our choices might make someone we care about upset. We don’t want to hurt someone we love. So, to avoid shame, we may defend and justify ourselves because it can be so hard to own our piece of the hurt we created.

Many Native Americans understand that restorative justice is a process of accountability and repair that heals the entire community. Judaism has a yearly practice of accountability and apology to those who have been harmed with words and/or actions.

It can be quite a challenge to put either of these into play, but it can also be very healing. When done from the heart, the person who has been hurt feels heard and validated, and potentially sees that their pain has been met with empathy and understanding.