Hierarchy

There’s this notion that the ‘best’ love is romantic love. That notion of someone ‘completing’ you. And although I, personally, have found my romantic life partner, I don’t know if starry-eyed love is the only love folks should be striving for.

Think about it. For many, society dictates that we should be moving heaven and earth to obtain that single individual who will be our everything. Honestly, how healthy is that? It’s as if love is hierarchical – one better than the other. And the top of the food chain is intimate love (a single, cherished person), followed by relational love (good friends) and then collective love (that community that shares a common goal).

But what are the missed opportunities if the prize is only intimate love?

All of our relationships offer something unique and individualistic to us. Translation: No single relationship can fulfill all our needs and desires. Each relationship we invest in pays us back a distinct dividend, so it makes sense that we would desire a number of relationships for our overall well-being. In fact, research has shown that ‘we experience higher well-being when we turn to different people to help us work through different emotions.’ Other studies have shown that the more variety in the people we surround ourselves with, the better our quality of life.

If we depend on a single person, then we also depend on that single person to determine our health and well-being. Which means a rough patch with that individual can be quite devastating. This is where other relationships come into play. They can help us commandeer the fluctuations that inevitably happen with the people we care for and who care for us. The whole ‘it takes a village’ thing.

Multiple, healthy relationships help us maintain homeostasis and balance. So, consider broadening your reach when it comes to your village. Love is not a hierarchy. Its arms are wide open and there is no limitation on the number of people we can love. Nor is one form of love better than the other. It is simply love.