The Right Stuff

So, the #SorryNotSorry post from last week stirred up some intrigue. It’s as if the words hit home, but a bit more guidance has been requested as to how do we help another recognize that they have everything they need to get through that emotion known as anger. Here are a few things you might want to consider as you walk beside someone who is experiencing anger:

· Don’t Make Lemonade – There can be a tendency to want to relieve someone of these challenging feelings; however, resist launching into fix-it mode or silver-lining mode or making lemonade out of lemons mode. Although the heart is pure in these attempts, many times the unintentional consequence is to have the person shutdown.

· Accept Everything – Whatever an individual shares with you, accept it, don’t question it. And don’t add your tale of a similar experience. It is their story. It is all about them. Offer your undivided attention.

· Walk with Them - Enter into their world as an observer and meet them at the heart of what they are experiencing. This does not mean take on their emotions. It means let them know you empathize. Show them they are heard, seen, understood, and fully accepted.

· Gift Them - Offer the gift of your time and attention, sitting with them for a bit of time with love and compassion and without an agenda. You may find this being done on more than one occasion. You may also find this is done in complete silence.

· Keep it Simple – Share simple, validating statements and/or ask short questions such as “No wonder you were frustrated as all get out.” or “What was that like for you?”

· W.A.I.T. – Check in with yourself and ask, “Why Am I Talking?” This is their time, not yours.

In a nutshell, sitting with another in their anger is all about them. Which also means it is up to them to find the solution for themselves. Your role, if you so choose, is to simply allow them the space to process, reflect, spew, question…and then find their answer. They have everything they need within themselves. They’ve got the right stuff. Believe in them.