Unlabeled

Oh, it can be such a challenge not to judge.  Judging what another is wearing. Judging the music we hear coming out of a car.  Judging another’s accent. Judging our own emotions. 

Let’s stick with that latter one for a minute.

First off, it is absolutely natural to seek out the pleasure and avoid the pain.  I mean, heck, doesn’t everyone just want to be happy?  Nothing unusual about that, at all.  But one thing that can hamper that happiness high is our general attitude toward all of our feelings.  The fab, the not so fab and everything in between. 

There is no single consensus on what well-being actually means, but it is probably safe to say that it is more than a simple differentiation between ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ emotions.  Because if we divide our emotions into a binary space, it can potentially create this dualistic view of feelings, where we cling to what we consider pleasant and run from that which we consider painful.

Clinging to pleasure and avoiding pain is most likely a less than ideal formula for well-being. Well-being lies in the ability to acknowledge, welcome and accept all the emotions we experience, creating this non-judgmental space for the full range of emotions.

In other words, a key to our well-being is to accept ourselves as we are. This means making room for our human experience, just as it is, without judging ourselves. In Eugene Gendlin’s "Focusing" approach, what creates a shift in our inner landscape is holding unpleasant experiences in a gentle, caring way. Gendlin called this approach the “Focusing attitude.” This is an orientation of kindness and friendliness toward whatever we’re experiencing inside.

It’s not necessary to stay there for an extended time.  Instead, it could simply be taking a moment to bring some gentleness to whatever unpleasant emotions you are feeling. You can keep your observations at a distance, if you prefer – feeling only part of the difficult feeling – playing around the edges. But, feel it, even if only for a moment.

Most likely the undesired feeling will pass, especially if we give it the room to be felt and recognizing it is not an enemy. So, un-label your emotions as good or bad, right or wrong.  Respect them.  Because one way to care for ourselves is to allow our feelings to be just as they are.  And through that care, we walk toward well-being.