You've Got Everything You Need

Happiness usually doesn't work like we think it does. In fact, we often have things backward! We imagine that if we do certain things, we will have what we want and need, and then we will be happy. Many of us convince ourselves that if we achieve the right weight, get the right relationship, the right job, the right house, car — all the possessions and accomplishments that we think we need and want—then we will be happy. Ah... if only.

Because we tend to habituate to our new gains, our happiness returns to baseline quickly. It's like being a hamster – chasing happiness on a treadmill.  The good news is that this set point can be modified or adjusted by consciously making choices to manage our emotions.

Another piece of good news is that the hamster wheel also works in reverse. We adjust to negative events, even those that are very upsetting, and return to our relative set point of well-being. Amazing how complicated AND adaptable we humans are!

So, if a large part of happiness resides in what we decide to do with the cards we are dealt, why not take advantage, harness the power of our attention, and focus on how to be happy, satisfied, and complete right here and now.

One way to do this is to learn how to own our feelings of anger: for example, listening to what fuels these feelings, acknowledging our interpretations and expectations, and then taking appropriate action (if necessary) to remedy the issue. In other words, negative feelings are fine to have. You don't want to deny or block them. But you also want to shift your attention to view these feelings as opportunities to become more connected and intimate instead of stonewalling or free-falling in defense mode.

We all have the inner resources we need to be happy.  It may take some time, but you’ve already got what it takes.  It’s just a matter of taking it out for a spin, trying it on for size, and eventually creating a new habit that will help you experience your true happiness, whatever that looks like to you.